Hood God V.S Church God! Lets get ready to rumble!

 Hello to Everyone:

My name is Wallace Demarria', well actually it's Wallace Demarria' Croom but I only work under my first  and middle name. Welcome to Divided Soul. Divided Soul is my truth, my reality and my views on the world in which we live. I once wrote in a song that "you would be crazy as hell if you could walk through my mind." We will now put that theory to the test as you journey inside the mind of a man that has worn so many "proverbial hats" that he has often times forgotten what was underneath it all. So with that being said, let's dive right into it. if you know me, then you know that I've never been one to run from a challenge or duck the big issues. I've also never been one to avoid conflict or controversy; so today will be no different. I want to talk about God and religion. I am a believer in God but it has never been in a traditional manner. I didn't meet God or get to know God in a church. Instead, I became acquainted with God on the streets. I learned of God as my mother walked for miles in the snow carrying her three year old son (me). A taxi cab driver pulled up and said that he had seen us walking several times and that his heart went out to us. He assured my mother that he didn't want anything from her but he just didn't want to see her walking in knee high snow with such a young child. He offered his services free of charge. Whenever we really needed a ride and it was too far to walk we could call "Larry" the cab driver. This is only one of the many ways that I experienced God in "real life." Another way was when the manager at the pizza place around the corner from our house watched as my mother counted out a jar of a change to pay for the pizza, he told her to put it away and that he would give it to us. He then told her whenever you want pizza just come in and get it, it was on the house indefinitely.  Now one may argue here that those particular incidents had nothing to do with God, and more to do with the fact that my mother is considered by almost everyone to be a beautiful woman. I would contest that by saying that even her beauty would be a gift from God especially if it helped us to survive very trying times. It's even more of a "blessing" because she never had to "anything" for or with these people. Moving on, when you meet God like I did, it can be quite confusing when you are finally introduced to the "church" version of God. Now keep in mind the generosity and kindness I had witnessed from people outside of the church and compare that with what I witnessed inside the church. My very first memories of church are mean old ladies that pinched me for falling asleep, people pretending to be holier than though inside and cursing like "sailors" outside. I also recall catching more than a couple preachers in "lies." As a child my parents searched for the best ways to deal with me whenever I did things wrong. They found that the most effective was "long term punishment," which meant I come home, I go straight to my room and all I can do is homework and read books. I can come out for dinner and restroom breaks. One of the books that I read on numerous occasions during one of my many "long stretches" was The Holy Bible. I had read it from cover to cover several times, therefore, it was impossible to misquote it to me and I not catch it. I sat and listened as preachers rattled off things that sounded good, or made people feel emotions that they assumed came from the word of God; but I knew better. I would ask these Preachers questions and use actual biblical references to challenge them and most times they never had adequate answers.  They usually tried to blow me off as just a child, but I was very persistent. I could deal with the old ladies, I could deal with the not so truthful pastors but what I couldn't deal with was the gossip, the mean spirited "backbiting," and the married Pastors trying to hit on my mom and then making us outcast when she refused their advances. For years I was anti church and anti church folks. However, after college I fell on the hardest times Ive ever known. I was homeless sleeping in the back of a truck in Los Angeles. I figured somehow I had gotten on God's bad side. So i turned to the church for help. I found a church home, participated in every ministry I could and even returned to school for a degree in Christian Leadership. I had completely abandoned my dreams of stardom and was ready to dedicate my life to service of The Lord. It wasn't until I awoke one morning around 3:00a.m to find that I had been crying in my sleep. When I woke up these words exploded out of my mouth: "why would you make me love something so much, and make me so good at it and then tell me that I cant do it." I was speaking of acting and performing. It was at that exact moment that I realized God had never told me I couldn't. I had made that decision. One would think that if a person was willing to drop their dreams and personal ambitions to serve God in the church it would be pleasing to Him; but I found that if He created you for a purpose then that is the most important thing for you to do. After that I returned to acting and performing and for a little while it was cool and fun but something was still missing. I didn't know what that something was until now. I have recently discovered what the missing element was, it was ME. It's the me that is not always liked by the general public. It's the me that knew God on a street/real level. Its the ME that never waited on God to come and magically change my situation; instead I moved without the thought of a possible failure because I knew God had already equip me with everything needed to win. I have been called cocky, arrogant, stuck up and many other things. In reality I'm just a man convinced that I can...It doesn't matter what it is I believe that I can! Ive watched people pray and wait in expectancy for something magical to happen to no avail. Ive watched "Christians" lose time and time again and then quote "non-biblical" excuses that sound good and probably help them deal with the pain while people who the church masses would consider to be "heathen's" experience life to the fullest and celebrate victory after victory. The difference is that those so called heathen's aren't sitting around waiting on gold to fall from the sky, they are going out and getting what they want.  Maybe it's time to face the reality that God has already given us everything He is going to give us. He has given us His spirit and provided us with everything we need to win the war; but it's impossible to win the war if you never show up for the fight. Even Jesus had to GO to complete His mission. Get up, stop looking to the sky for help and realize that ALL you need is in you. You were created on purpose the way you are. Don't let people tell you that you have to change you and be something you're not. I'm very rough around the edges ( I curse, I've fought alot, I have natural chemistry with hustlers, gangsters, pimps and thugs) but also with educators, ministers, and public figures. I know that I was made this way on purpose. It doesn't make sense to me to be one way at church and another out in the streets. Throughout my life I have been the most beneficial to not only myself but to others as well when I am true to myself.  People respond to the real you. Now ask yourself do you even know who the real you is? If not, it's the person that you are when no one is looking. Thats the you God created. Everything else is a character you've created to show the public. Think about it!