If you're ever in a bar and someone orders their drink straight with no chaser, that means they want it hard and strong. You can also bet your last dollar that they are more than likely dealing with something that they would rather not; hence, the strong drink to make reality quickly fade into drunken memories. Since my last post I have seen life come "straight with no chaser." It has been blatant truth after blatant truth. Some of these truths have been great and fun and others have been attention getting and painful. I have discovered a calling that is powerful and burdensome at the the same time. I'm sure by now you're thinking enough with the build up, tell us what happened
I was hired as a director for the pilot and first episode of a new television show. The shoot was scheduled for five days in Houston Texas. It was fifty eight scenes in various locations in five days. If you ask anyone that works in "the business," they will tell you that fifty eight scenes in five days is pretty much impossible; especially when its shot in various locations and did I mention it also includes LOTS of children. I knew it was next to impossible to pull off, but when I told the executive producer/creator he was extremely reluctant to cut ANYTHING. Most people would've resigned at that moment but not me. I have never backed down from a challenge and if you tell me something is impossible that only makes me want to do it all the more. I took the project on and without going into a bunch truly hilarious details I got it done. As to not leave you totally in the dark here are few quick crazy details: I had two little girls that are sisters and stars of the show get into a fight that resulted in one being totally bloodied and the other one deeply traumatized. I had a seven year old boy nearly have a breakdown because of the make-up he had to wear which resulted in me directing for the rest of the day in face paint, glitter and sparkles (don't judge me, I had to get it done. lol). I was run out of a location and I had several "Rick James" type moments I had to deal with from a certain actor. Despite all that and MUCH MUCH more I achieved the goal. Not only did I complete the task, but I also did it damn well, if I must say so myself.
I learned that I really am "that good." I am the person that people hate because I can make things that are very complicated look extremely easy. I am the person that can match your mastery level in weeks not years. I'm the person that really does feel like when I'm on my game there's nothing anyone can do to stop me. Now before you start hurling insults at me and calling me arrogant or whatever please allow me to tell you why that's not necessary. I have discovered that I was created this way. I was once told that in my acting I make a better bad guy than I do a good guy. That is also true for my life. I am not and have never been a total bad guy. But I have walked a pretty thin line between the two. If I were a wrestler, I would've been Stone Cold Steve Austin; I am mostly good but with really bad tendencies. My entire life people have called me arrogant, stuck up, and a host of other things and I hated it. I have tried everything known to man to change peoples opinion of me. I have tried muting myself and never saying a word around people. I have tried dressing down or burying myself underneath baggy clothes and a "normal" attitude. I have even tried a bible quoting, religious speaking, non cursing total good guy routine and NOTHING worked. I found that people are going to hate you for whatever you do. The reason why they hate you is because they are insecure and really hate themselves and they reflect it on to you. And the moment I realized that I travelled deep into the recesses of my mind and unlocked the door that lead to the cage behind another door that had numerous locks on it and unlocked them all and finally released the real me from the prison I had condemned him to some eight or nine years ago. He was weak, and dusty and seemed deeply disappointed in me for locking him up in the first place, but quickly I found that he hadn't lost a step. His response to me in regards to what people think of me was simply: "I don't give a damn!" Actually, it was I don't give a shit! but that was the "good guy" image trying yet again to censor my thoughts. See I have found that I am more beneficial to not only myself but to others as well when I simply be me.
Honestly, very few people have ever really understood ME, and that was what I was working so hard to get. But I realized it doesn't matter if they "get" me or not. Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest basketball ball player to ever play the game comes from a family where no one is over 5 foot 10, but yet he is 6 foot 6. Why? How did it happen? No one knows the answers to that, he just is. He was born to be the greatest basketball player ever. Muhammad Ali, considered by most to be the greatest heavyweight champion to ever step in the ring, weighed well over 200 pounds but yet had the blinding speed of a lightweight and the agility of a gymnast in his prime. He was so fast and agile that while he is considered as the the greatest, technically, he's one of the worse fighters to ever lace up a pair of gloves. He did almost everything wrong, but yet his natural abilities made it so that no one could make him pay for it. Many fighters were ruined trying to imitate him. How did he do it? Again, no one knows. He just did. He was born to be the greatest! Just as Jordan and Ali and millions of others were born to be "themselves," I too was born for something special. I was born to be a representative of the middle ground between religion and real life. I am that scary place between theory and reality; between churches and liquor stores. I am the truly gifted that has never had anything handed to them and has had to fight for damn near everything. I am not crying about it because when it's all said and done the world will know that anything is possible if you have the heart to believe in yourself. I was raised between the streets and the churches. I know as many underworld figures as I do church folks. I learned from both sides and I understand both sides. There was a time I wouldn't write something like this because I knew my church friends would be appalled, but those days are long gone. See I realize that my relationship with God is exactly that, MINE! You can't define it for me nor can you put limits on it, so essentially i don't care what anyone thinks. Or like I said earlier, I really don't give a shit (breathe, yes I said a curse word, it's not the end of the world) so save your criticism, or don't. Either way, I'm fine. I have to be me! Now ask yourself are you being you!
